Flat of Angles

1

I’ll miss you
I’ll miss our walks
Trying to pretend we are in perfect step
Out of step now
Sick on the floor
Out of the room
Fenced in, trapped
I can still hear the schoolchildren play outside at their usual 10: 30
It always used to annoy me, as I was trying to sleep, but it doesn’t now
It seems alright
A replacement, a continuation
Their sound jangles around the room
It sounds so different from where I’ve been
A party, alone
Packed in with others, but never feeling so alone
People dance too close
She was there, I had only gone because I hoped she would be
I had arrived early, as the the streetlights were coming on
So I took a long walk around the block
Taking a few extra lefts and rights
Past the Chicken Cottage and the Costcutter
Then along a crescent that arced me out of my way
Past a group of figures huddled
Under the entrance to the flats
Shielding the flicking lighter from the wind
This… area is little more
Than a traffic island
A triangle around which cars and coaches stream into town up the bleak Old Kent
Or out into Kent and the coast
The same faces trudge around there for yeas
“Spare some change please? Much as possible.”
“You want to buy some weed.”
“Do you have a spare cigarette?”
He always wants one
And that one about weed was not a question
There is a Samaritans office between two severely dilapidated buildings on a black-bricked terrace
It has a thermometer painted on a 10 ft wooden board nailed to the outside
There is red paint up to the £0 mark, and, an ambitious 10 ft higher
Is written £200, 000
It never got any warmer there
The Man begging in the corner makes me take a huge detour when going towards my flat
He looks up with a pitiful stare that makes me want to kick the misery out of him
His dipit wee cup of unwanted coffee
A child’s sleeping bag
JJB sports
A crack, a release, his poor exhaust
He was lost
The Broadway
The Town Hall, such a grand building, all nautical reminiscences, here, far from water
It would be quite a sight if you could get far back enough from it to take a look
But my back is up against the black panelling of the gay sauna opposite
A coach thunders by, and I run past the video shop that I owe £5 to
Meaning go way back
I may be becoming one of those people you see in New Cross
I have a book, peeping out of one pocket, at least want to look vaguely intellectual if someone I know
Or worse, someone who knows me walks by
I throw down the finish can into the pile between two walls, outside my flat
Look, there’s the hardware store
It has a large cutout of a radiant man and woman in overalls
The woman handing the man a tin of paint, up his ladder, beaming
It has faded in the sun
I bought creosote from there, once
What a night!
Pure ment.!
It was messy!
It was out of hand! It was out of space!
I rapped on that track once, at Bagley’s, remember it?!
Skibbadee handed me the mic
I got to shout “I’M GONNA SEND HIM TO OUTER SPACE TO FIIIND ANOTHER RACE!”
Absolutely fantastic, those days…
The pills these days are not the same, they don’t work
No love
I was chatting to this bloke in the kitchen, and he said something, I can’t remember what, but I had to push him over, crashed his arse on the coffee table, ash tinnies and CDs everywhere! Spilled the lines too, the fat bastard

I can’t get you out of my head, your loving is all I think about, no I can’t get you out of my head, something something is all I think about. I can’t get this loop out of my head, no I think I’ll（gotta） have to… I need to sit down. I can’t stop my leg jiggling, it wants to be somewhere else. I need to get out of here. I can hear sirens – can you hear them? Then again, they are always here, the background to day to day life here. When music is playing, and they come, they sometimes sync up. The New Cross Remix, I call it. I used to call it.

This isn’t how it advertised itself. It was fun, it was Technicolour, the music made me feel liquid, I melted into the company and was chief among them. I was in the kitchen, pouring pint after pint of water over myself, insisting to a stranger that “No, no… The drinks are on me!” I can’t remember what happened after that. Except her there. I had managed to talk to her, I was talking about an art gallery, I thought she’d be impressed, but her eyes kept dancing around the space behind me, smiles flickered on her lips as her eyes focused on scenes I was oblivious to. I heard laughter. It was from my throat, but I didn’t feel it. I was just trying to breathe life into a long-dead persona.

2

Is there any more drink around here? Do you have any? Its alright, I haven’t been to bed yet – I’m not drinking in the morning! I swear I had a couple of… no I think I had them before I headed out last night.
I sometimes feel like I am in the 1980s
其实有时候觉得自己像活在20世纪80年代一样
Or perhaps it’s part of my mom’s fault watching Esatenders
好吧也许是受我妈正在看Esatenders的影响
With my family lying back on the green velour sofa
我的家人正卧在浅绿色的天鹅绒沙发上
Looking out at the sodium lights of the A505
研究着A505光钠灯
Hands fiddling with the glass on the tarnished aluminium of
手上摆弄着生锈铝壳上的二次双层玻璃
The Secondary double glazing thinking imagining romantic futures
思考着 幻想着 浪漫的未来
Set out for me by songs
从《创世纪》的歌词所扭曲的高排行流行歌曲
From top of the pops Twisted by lyrics of Genesis
为我出发
Starry starry nights
繁星之夜啊
Paint your pallid blue and grey
点缀着的淡蓝色 灰色
Red and gold
热烈的红 和 闪耀的金
Are royal colors
都是皇室的颜色
Yeah, yeah
也是啊
Industrial state
是工业国家
Instead
反而
Anyway, like I say, it was great
好吧 就像我说的 不管怎样都是很棒的
I was waiting in the corridor, to go to the toilet,
想要去洗手间 所以在走廊里等待
Standing right in front of the door.
正对门口站着
It opened, and this girl was standing there.
门开了 一个女孩子正站在那里
I was a little shocked, hadn’t expected it, and jumped a little.
意料之外 猛地有点儿被震惊 吓得跳了起来
She did the same thing a second later, smiling.
看到我这个样子她也跳起来啦 满是笑意的注视着我
I tilted my head left, about to speak, and look sympathetic,
我向左侧了侧脑袋 刚想讲话 眼神产生了共鸣
And she tilted her head right.
她也向右歪了歪头
I raised my right hand, she raised her left.
我举起右手 她就举起左手
I put it back by my side, straightened my head,
我放下手 摆正脑袋
And she did the same.
她也做了同样的动作
“I’ll be your mirror.” she said.
女孩说 我是你的镜子哦
Nothing else existed for a second there, I felt calm, and wanted no more.
在那里没有别的东西存在 心里很平静 没有多想
Then some chump who had slunk up the corridor goes
突然走来了一个溜着走廊走的笨蛋走来了
“Awww, that is so cute!”
哇 好可爱啊
I barged past her and slammed the door,
我从她的身边走过 砰的一声关上了门
Shot the lock across,the handle fell off.
迅速把锁锁上 把手掉了
This can’t actually have happened.
不会是真的发生的吧
She is only 28.Only.
她只有二十八岁···
What are we doing with our lives?
我们在生活中做了些什么？
Why are we carrying on like this?
为什么我们要这样继续下去？
For God’s sake, why don’t we grow up?
天 为什么我们不能成熟点呢
Pretending we are hip,
假装我们世面灵通
Throwing our bodies around the room,around the town,
把我们的尸体扔到城里各处
Projected on cheap MDMA and ciders with ice, our shadows are long.
计划着廉价的摇头丸 加冰的苹果酒 我们的影子是长的
They slip over the horizon, grow thinner,
他们滑到地平线 渐渐细长
And disappear only the all-encompassing shadow of night takes over.
最终消失
That is greater than any of us.
这比我们任何人都要重要
Then morning comes, and it goes away.
接着清晨苏醒 早上过去
It peels the film from eyes,
它揭开一天影片的面纱
Sparks cells into action,
鼓动着每一个细胞
And eventually resurrects those who have avoided it.
最终使曾经回避过它的人复活
It says here is a day
这是新的一天
Do with it as you will.
你应该怎么做就怎么做
I am back, but she…
我回来了 但她···
I’m well up for keeping the session going
我回来了 很好的保证了会议的进行
Why did I even come back here?
为什么我要回来呢
God knows.
欸谁知道呢
I’ll give her a call,
我会回她话的
See what she’s up to.
问问她接下来要做什么
We could swing down the Talbot for a few cures.
我们可以在塔尔博特上舞蹈 摇摆 来治愈内心的伤
Its ringing.
电话铃响了
Oh nooo… What happened?
噢天不是吧···发生什么了？
I think that…
我觉得可能是···
Hey! Where did you get to last night?
嘿！你昨晚去哪了
Fancy a Bloody Mary at The Talbot?
在塔尔博特来了杯血腥玛丽（鸡尾酒的一种）？
Give us a call when you get this!
喝的时候别忘给我们打个电话呀
No. She wouldn’t move.
不 她不会走的
I think I lied next to her.
我觉得我躺在她旁边
I lied.
我躺卧着
We had that methlathyl-whatever when I got out of the toilet.
当我走出洗手间
She had given that bloke the heave-ho.
她拒绝了那个家伙
I can’t even remember her face.
我甚至记不得她的样子了
Just the strange flock texture on the wallpaper behind her in the corridor,
只剩下走廊里在她身后留下的棉束纹理
The magnolia paintwork,
木兰涂漆
The sick yellow light from a bare bulb,
还有没有灯罩的灯泡散发出来的暗黄色
And decades of greasy black hand marks by the top of the stairs.
以及几十年前印在楼梯顶端的油腻黑手印···
Her eyes were…
她的眼睛
Black.
是漆黑的。

3

I just can’t access my thoughts
Or put them into words
I think now my brain recycle been awaiting deletion
Still no reply to my text, I send to its …
Oh, let me see
9:48, and it’s now 10 o’clock
She hasn’t texted to me in response
To my imploring, longing, yearning message
full of wiring sudden grief
Thus, morning!（exclamation mark）
How are you
I enjoyed our journey in the dark so can’t wait this night!（exclamation mark）
Back at my place, looking forward to the gig tonight
what time can you get there?
Where is Rhythm Factory?
Have a great day! （exclamation mark）
Kiss.
As many questions as possible all crying out for response
surface lightness, reflective even
Asking after, referring to events our showing her I’m thinking of her
The kiss bow
That was contemplative for a good five minutes although we held hands briefly
Near McDonald’s on the Earl’s Court Road last night
I don’t know that was to forward the kiss, too presumptuous now
But, her touch, sent a clean electric impulse through me
up my arm, into my brain
It cuts through the K, the sodium light
the rain I longed to protect her from my arms
Now he’s check of the message this phone results
and a little clutch of pain somewhere of the sanity is heart
There are snails climbing all over the walls of my bathroom. There is a bush outside the window, and when it rains, if I have left the window open, which I need to sometimes, they crawl in. The iridescent tracery they leave on unknown journeys sparkles in the bulb-light. I take a Tesco-bag glove and gather them, bundle them out the window.

My time span with you before the war.

She said she was going to Spain, hoped it wouldn’t rain, heard it wouldn’t rain. I wanted to go too, she said she was a solo traveller, it was her rule, she goes on journeys alone. With plenty to read. I recommend some books, so that perhaps a thought of me would go with her. Perhaps I am the only thought she had. Or more probably, she never thought of me, as I did of her. I wanted to say these things, but there was always a wall around me, I could never tell people how much they meant to me. I could tell others how much I hated some people, but could never even tell a friend I appreciated their company until I’d had 10 cans, then it would descend into a stereotypical drunken “You’re my best mate, you are.”

So we opened that bottle of absinthe, and sat on the couch. I knocked a copy of The Face onto the floor, and cleared away a few cans with my boots. We turned to face each other there, and my knee touched hers. I looked at our knees together, hers at the top of the black leather boots, hidden in grey woollen tights, with little bobbles on them. Her knee moved imperceptibly away, but I felt it. I looked up to her face as she said “Drink a shot with me, and look me in the eye as you do.” We did. I didn’t feel the effect of the alcohol, but her eyes gave me a warm glow, I was swallowed by them, as she swallowed the green liquid. I couldn’t get enough. We did it again and again. Rinse, then repeat. As needed.

Well, we were fabric for a drama bass night
we were about to bow about four
Just getting our coats, when we and Tim getting some sorts of trouble with the coat room attendant, he lost his ticket
She said “we’d have to wait until the end to get the coat
So we had to sit outside by the meat market, in the freezing cold
At least wear our coats
Until 8, when it was finally over
Tim with his only coat hanging around in the middle of this desert
And then Tim, put his hand, in his jeans’ pocket and pulls out a sweat rubbish ruffled ticket
saying “I had it all along”
Doug, saw this, he just screws his hands up into his face
forces them to his side
shaking, grating his teeth, growling
moving off slowly, muttering “fu~~~XX”
Oh no, my number will be on her phone.
They’ll know.
I need to get round there and delete the calls.
So it

“Out of the strong, came forth sweetness.” It says that on the tins of Lyle’s Golden Syrup. Have you ever noticed that? It has a picture of a lion, dead, surrounded by bees, buzzing around, and feasting on the lion’s innards. It is from a Biblical story, someone was going somewhere, saw the lion dead in the sunshine, and carried on. On his way back, the bees had started to form a hive within the lion, and were creating honey. Hence out of the strong…

I have enough here to join her, to join the lion. I can’t walk around the block once more, again. I’ve been doing that for years, and I have never escaped. I don’t even know why I’m doing it. I’m going nowhere, like those snails, except out the window. The streets are full of mercenary eyes. Veins full of evil serum. 90 degrees from window. Right down to its gables.

4

I didn’t know anything could be so perfect
我不知道还有什么能如此完美
the lights of the Mirabal
美妙的光芒
a thousand swirling eyes
上千的犹如旋涡般的眼睛
I dream of relaxing nights
我梦想着有一个放松的夜晚
there are loads of people in my flat when I got home
当我回家时，一屋子的人在我的公寓里
I’m already one for big crowds
我已然成为了这大堆人中的一员
makes me want to retreat into my shell
这使我又想退缩到自己的伪装里
I’m looking forward to seeing how it turns out
我一直期望着去见证如何把他们驱除
this is a reconstruction
这是一个再现
I can’t tell how it happened
我说不出他们是怎么发生的
there are too many angles too many reflections
这里有太多的角，太多的倒影
the harder I look at another,the more I see myself
我越努力去看他们，我越能从中看到自己
it feels like I’m here alone in this crowd
这让我感受到，我在人群中是如此的孤独
myself projected round the room
我自己投射到这间房间里
the Mirrorball,a beam splitter
反射球 ，一个分光镜
when contentment comes upon me ,I have to find ways to destroy it
当“满意”这种想法充斥我脑海中时，我必须找到方法去摧毁他
I slide the hairs in the coffee cup up its walls
我把头发放进咖啡杯里，再把被子放到墙上
click the Catalan while it rushes and hisses
当它冲出来发出嘘声我敲着卡塔兰
I danced with spiders
我与蜘蛛共舞
one of those spindly ones or legs and angles made up of lines is feasting on its prey caught up in a mesh
其中一只细长的蜘蛛，或者说是有着像线一般细长腿的蜘蛛正在捕食网中捕捉到的猎物
the kettle clicks off
烧水壶蹦跳着
my skin creeps and my head hurts
我的皮肤起了鸡皮疙瘩，我的头感到疼痛
I need to suffer more
我需要遭受更多的痛苦
I was feeling too comfortable for a second there I guess
在这一刻我猜我正感受到过多的舒适
he was there to save me
他以前就在这里救了我
alone in a freezing wooden flawed flat which I couldn’t heat
独自一人在这个没办法使他更暖和的冰冻的木质破旧公寓里
he sent me this Mirabal ordered on the Internet
他把这个在网络上订购的Mirable送给了我
he came later
他来晚了。
I’d had no money for a fewdays
我没有钱去支付这些日子
he was desperate for a cigarette
他绝望地抽着香烟
I remembered that when I was younger
我记得我小一些的时候
I’d hid some in a tin full of movie stubs
我在一个罐头盒子里藏满了一些电影存根
and limited edition chocolate bar wrappers
和一些限量版的巧克力棒包装纸
I found that in and inside was one single cigarette
我发现在里面还有一根香烟
throwing the stuff aside
扔些东西在边上
I placed the cigarette carefully on my dry lips and patter caked my pockets in a panic
我把香烟小心翼翼地放在干燥的嘴唇上，惊慌失措地拍拍我的口袋
located lighter and flicked the flame into existence
用打火机轻打出轻盈而又摇曳的火焰，点燃香烟
I drew deeply tobacco and paper
我把烟草和纸张深深地卷了起来
crackling my alveoli filled my blood vessels roared
我的肺泡发出噼啪声，我的血管充满了咆哮声
my scalp tingled and stomach turned
我的头皮刺痛了，胃也在绞痛
hairs on my arm stood up and so did I
手臂上的汗毛耸立，我也是
lunging headfirst for the window flung open in one motion
一口气向窗外猛冲
drinking down the black cool air as my mind shrieked
呼吸着黑色凉爽的空气，正如我的头脑尖叫
I can’t feel my arms
我感觉不到我的手臂
now I’m here who’s been a happy person
现在在这里的我成为了一个高兴的人
I work hard and try not to let people down
我工作努力并且尝试着不让人们感到失落
if they would not be there
如果他们不愿意在这儿
there would be no one to let down
这儿也不愿让一个人留下
things have to be a certain way
事物总有自己的一定的方式
there is a beauty in order
为了在这里的一个美女
I’ve cleaned this flat today before leaving for work there
我今天在离开去工作之前已经清理了这间单间
I cleaned the storeroom arranged items in
我清理着储存室，安放好着这些东西
the window smile that the customers
透过窗户对这些顾客微笑
chose appropriate music wrap gifts gave
选择合适的音乐把包装好的礼物给出去
change smile that the staff told them stories of my past
换上笑脸然后用我过去的故事告诉这些顾客
smoked a cigarette by the bins,ordered sage colored visors from the parlaying catalogue
我抽着箱子里的香烟，按照推销产品手册订购了鼠尾草色的遮阳帽
lay down on the four-poster bed with no mattress
躺在没有床垫的四柱床上
glanced out of the window ,cleaned the windows ,warm some soup,dusted the labs ,waited for the Sun to set,counted listened locked
往窗外一撇，清理过的窗户，加热了一些汤，扫掉屋子里的灰尘，等待日落，聆听并细数上锁声
and then it was time to walk home
在这一切之后，才是我回家的时间
this is not my town ,but then again where is?
这不是我的小镇，但哪儿又会是呢？
these are not my people,but is anyone really?
这不是我的那些人，但谁又真的是属于我的那群人呢？
he is here again
他又来了
wind milling round the rooms
风碾压着整个房间
knocking ashtrays over
敲击着烟灰缸
bellowing to be heard
耳边飘过低沉的声音
desperation in his eyes
他眼里有着绝望
I know how he feels
我知道他是什么感受
but he does something about it
但他对此也做了什么
he gets out of his face ,waits for a gap in the conversation
他丢脸了，找着谈话的间隙
and jabbers his philosophy without solicitation
然后快而含糊且毫无诱惑的表达他的哲理
our eyes meet across the room
我们的眼睛在房间里相遇
and I feel a little like the spider
我感觉我有点像那蜘蛛
I gathered the spent cans in a blue plastic off-licence bag and smile as I stoop
我拿走在蓝色塑料卖酒执照包里的空罐子，然后像我已经屈服了一样微笑
how is your weak beam
如何成为你微弱的一束
well work was quite good sold the chiminea last and looking forward to tonight
好好做自己卖烟囱的工作最后然后期待今晚
you’ve been listening to Late Night Tales
你正在收听的是深夜故事
Music and stories worth staying up for
你值得停驻在音乐与故事中